i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
