there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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