I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
