We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
