he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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