i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
