No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
