You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
