Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
