ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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