New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
