My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
