He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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