so explain again why im purple
no
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
