the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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