batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
