two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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