She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
