So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
