shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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