i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, beer. Big fan.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
