it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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