I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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