Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drake has all the answers
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
