The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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