I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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