have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
