If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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