when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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