I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
