i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
