you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
