The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
