he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
