Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
