Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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