So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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