question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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