scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I could make wine with my vomit
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
