I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
