3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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