Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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