Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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