Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
