Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
