You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Every concussion has its silver lining
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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