if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
