Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
