I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
