i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
