I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
birth control should be required to get into college
she peed on how many people?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
