also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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