Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
